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After the fight...

May. 15th, 2006 | 06:06 pm

I stood in the middle of Angelina's abandoned studio.

It was my fault, I threw my daughter away.

She trusted me, protected me and all she ever asked for in return was
for me to love her. It wasn't a matter of blood. For her it was love.

I remembered the fight and winced to myself when I remembered what I
said.

"Employee"...was I really so heartless?

The paintings stood in the dim light taunting me... There were more now
and they were all finished.

I realized how good she was when she painted the house for Charlie and
Lavender's portakey. I knew she didn't like to have anyone in her studio
it was something she kept private. I couldn't even sneak camera's in here

to watch her. She used magical formula's for her paintings. The
electricity would not have mixed well with the technology.There was no
reason to do it.

She was just painting after all.

I usually avoided her work because of it was normally abstract and set to
the muggle music she was listening to at the time. They were beautiful and
very morbid.

But these paintings were different.

They were all of Ginny.

I walked over to the first one titled *Her one true love*.

Harry Potter stood over Ginny protectively his hands held a sword
peircing the heart of an unseen foe. Then he picked her upheld her close
and kissed her. Their faces showed how much they felt for each other.

Next to it I saw Draco and Ginny in quidditch uniforms moving at break
neck speed chasing the snitch. Ginny reached it first and held it above
her head triumphantly. Draco glowered.

I smirked at the title..*Girls are better than boys*

The next one giggles erupted as Bill wealey swooped up a much
younger Ginny placing her on his shoulders for a ride.
It was named *He's home!!!*
A joyous moment captured in time. I assumed Angelina must have heard Ginny talking about it at school.

To it's right wat a portrait of Ginny with her brother Ron.
Titled *A brothers love* Serious at first then the children moved and Ron
tickled his sister till she shrieked with laughter. I felt a lump move to
my throat.

Below it leaned a one titled *Stupid boys* Hermione and Ginny Were in
school uniforms whispering into each others ears, giggling to themselves.

Amazingly there was one of Percy fixing a cut on a small Ginny's finger
and scolding her at the same time. When he was finished the small girl
climbed into his lap and cuddled. He held her tightly then kissed her
finger. The title read. *They never listen*

I crossed the room find one of Ginny clutching her sides in laughter as
Fred and George tried to fight off a room full of amorous puffins....
The title said *Revenge is sweet*

To it's right leaned against a chair I saw one that had to be the most
recent. It was Ginny as an Angel looking down lovingly at the
newest addition to the Weasley family lying peacefully in her crib.
There was a sweet lullaby coming from the portrait. I realized it was
Angelina's voice..

*Never Alone...I'm here* the title read.The portrait's song filled the room

Lay your head
Down to bed
Let your slumber sweep your cares away
In your dreams
Chase moonbeams
All the way across the Milky Way


I was a bit suprised that she didn't use herself as the angel since she
has looked out for that family for years. I always knew how she felt about
the family. Her protective instincts were incalculable. My eyes began to
burn with unshed tears.

Then there was large one leaning against the wall. So stunning it didn't
need to move, but it did. A soft zepher blew and Ginny held a large
bouquet of forever flowers that shifted colors. Her face was angelic and
peaceful.

The title simply said *Ginny*.

I felt the tears in my eyes fall streaking down my face. I knew she had
made this thinking of Molly and Authur.

The last two were covered. One said *Narcissa's Dream*, the other *Too late*.

I pulled the velvet cover slowly from the first. *Narcissa's Dream*

I didn't realize for a moment that I was crying. Sobbing in fact if
Angelina wanted to get her revenge she accomplished her goal. It was a
family portrait of Myself, Draco, Lucius, Ginny and a dozen grandchildren
all beautuful, with strawberry blond hair and bright silver eyes. None
were sitting still. One of the youngest was insistantly try to stick his
fat little fingers in an amused Lucius's nose. Most had the infamous
Malfoy smirk on thier faces.

Then it changed, the woman became Hermione, out of all of the children
there were only three left. The children were lovely, perfect in fact. A
little too perfect down to each curl on thier blonde heads. The the boyant
happiness of the first family was a stark contrast to the unnatural
perfection of the second.

I knew what she was saying, I didn't even have to ask. I looked at the
last painting. It stood there waiting for my hand.
*Too late* the title read.

Too late for what?

The answer came to me in a flash of memory..She always said she was never
fast enough to save Ginny. Did I want to see what she saw when she found
her body?

My hand trembled as it reached for the covering.

I called her a coward, but did I really want to know what was there?

She wasn't the coward I realized as my hand dropped away.

I was.

I took another quick look around the room of Angelina's hidden thoughts.

Could I do it? Could I really expose her to them. The Weasley's were far
from stupid..They would start to put two and two together, but didn't they
have the right to know?

She was right. They would never trust me. They didn't even know about her.
I wasn't going to tell them everything. By no means. I think several would
have wanted to kill her. Her other little "hobby's" weren't anything they
needed to know.

This was different.

I made the decision to send them to Draco. The coward in me let me know I
couldn't give them to everyone myself.

The letter I'll send will read.

Draco, I'm asking you for one moment to put all animosity aside and
gather the Trio.

These paintings are gift's.

The problem is should they be given?

In all honesty they are not mine to give but works of Angelina's.

I believe that they will say too much. I have wronged her and this is the first step
I must take to put things right. She has every right to be angry with me.
I pushed her for them, for purely selfish reasons. She never wanted them to be seen.

It will be for you to decide my son. I fear I am to weak to make this
choice.

I have sent them all, including one I'm not very proud of.

Mother.

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She has something I want...

May. 4th, 2006 | 06:13 pm

She was a bit stubborn but I convinced Angelina to do as I have asked..

Those paintings were amazing..

All I had to do was push the right buttons.

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Something is wrong there....

Oct. 13th, 2005 | 09:22 pm

I had to retrieve my sister before things became uncontrollable. I told Anglina to deposit her at our old home. She will move into her new house in the morning.

I have written a letter to the hospital , I explained that the security in their facility was insufficient to my sisters needs.

They understood me right away and put her into a out-patient program. She will have a meeting with a healer 3 times a week.

I hope I have done the right thing...

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My sister says she has changed....

Oct. 10th, 2005 | 01:25 pm

I don't believe it,but I've been to that place.

All that will happen there is, she will become more unbalanced.

I will have her removed.

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An order

Oct. 2nd, 2005 | 10:25 pm

As fights go it wasn't a big one but, it was pretty serious. I needed to
spend time with my Lucius. He has to come first in my life. Once my son
became a man, and deserted me.

My husband became everything.

So I told her that I needed her to go in my stead. I should have been prepared for her reaction.

I wasn't.

She was silent at first, as if she were trying to comprehend what I said. Then she just looked at me. As if I betrayed her. I explained that I needed the time with Lucius. I told her she needed to confront her fears. I became angry and said that she was hiding behind me. Behind my family, she needed her own life. I was frustrated and I didn't think. I regretted my rash actions almost immediately, but it was too late.

Her face went dead.

It's an expression Angelina will get when she has been hurt or she thinks will be. She shut her emotions down. So that all you will see or know is blankness. She builds a wall, and it will take something big to break it down. In a moment of impatience I may destroyed years of work and trust.

In a monotone voice she said that she would meet with them. Then she turned away and walked slowly down the hall. I know her. I will not be personally hearing from her anytime soon.

I went back to the bedroom into the warm arms of my husband.

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Ball end.................

Sep. 5th, 2005 | 03:01 pm

The evening came to an end...

It was lovely, I leaned into my husbands arms listening to the song we always ended our parties with. Just he and I alone on the very large ballroom floor. Frankie's "Witchcraft" floating throughout the room. He smell so good lingering scents of sex and expensive perfumes cling softly to his skin, if you didn't know him you wouldn't have been able to notice, but this is my Lucius, his scent alone can get me wet. Images of him enjoying the soft wet flesh of the guests still play over and over again in my mind. Then he takes me upstairs to our chambers. To give me everything he held back from the others. Every experience I have with my husband exceeds every other. He always does something new.

Lucius, is my true love

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If you childrens future is threated, what would you do?

Jun. 17th, 2005 | 03:50 pm

Lucius was a traditionalist, I am not. Admittedly I did realize why my husband fought so hard to keep the status quo. Most people saw Lucius as some kind of ruthless monster. That isn't true. Yes, Lucius was ruthless, but he was trying to fight for his people, his way of life. The things he loves, the things he wants to leave behind for future generations. He sees the influences of the muggleborn, infesting his world like a poison.

There are things the muggles themselves are capable of that frightens him. Rightfully so. To Lucius muggles are like children playing in a potions room, mixing together all sorts of ingredients without thinking or caring about the outcome.

The repercussions of their actions could destroy everything. There are times I hear people saying horrible things about him, it breaks my heart. Yes, he wants power. So do alot of people, but Lucius is willing to put himself on the line in pursuit of that power. He knows things about muggle that most people don't,it's foolish of them. Know thy enemy, is one of the basic rules in life. He spent years working with a man who hated his own kind enough to want to torture them. Lucius merely used the Dark Lord for his own means. Sometimes plans don't work out. If they knew Lucius they would have realized that he planned for the Dark Lords fall. It's just Lucius wanted to be in the position of power *when* he fell. To step into place. There were time when the Dark Lord would make a plan and it wouldn't come out just right. I always looked a Lucius suspiciously when that happen.

I told Lucius once early on, I thought the Dark Lord wasn't truly after the muggleborn, but instead he wanted to control the Purebloods. Their money and finances.I saw the effect The wizarding world had on muggleborns and halfbloods. If the dark lord was Placed into Slytherin he would have felt the full brunt of prejudice. I imagine it was daunting for him. So what better way to make sure he was in a position of power. The hatred and mistrust of muggleborns was already there. All he had to do was play on it.

Manipulation is a primary Slytherin trait.

Anyone can do it ,but in Slytherin you learned to do it well.

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Mistakes of the past....?

Jun. 16th, 2005 | 04:07 pm

The fact that I have a new ward is still sinking in. I wonder if I should have done the same for Angelina. She was just so lost, so angry. I was in dark place myself. I'd hate to think that I was using her. She has become everything I needed, done everything I asked. In a way she became the perfect child. There is a huge wrong in our relation ship. Her loyalty is unwavering. Was I trying to compensate for Dracos defection? Did I ask too much? I constantly sent her to learn new things,mostly in the muggle world. Was I trying to fix the problems I created with Draco?
She is so good at what she does,I find that I cannot help but use her for what I need.

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War victim

Jun. 15th, 2005 | 03:13 am

War creates many victims.During the time that Draco was gone, I went through several stages of grief.I wouldn't eat,Lucius watched me get smaller,and smaller.He was making constant trips to St. Murgo's. The mediwitches there told my husband there was nothing he could do but watch and wait.They gave him a list of things to look for in case I became suicidal. I think that frightened him a bit.

He started his own form of therapy,obviously kindness wasn't working. If I was walking around in a daze he would start attacking Draco's actions until I grew angry . We would have terrible rows, I would scream "It was all your fault I lost my son!!, I would have had grandchildren now if it weren't for you and that sick bastard!", then destroy things in what ever room we happened to be in.

Appalled at my behavior I would hide my self away, the isolation would start the cycle all over again.
I think the hardest time for Lucius was when I became emotionally numb. When I was screaming, he had something to fight against. He had something tangible to fight for.

I steeled my self against sadness, anger, pain, fear of my son dieing,but when you steel your self against the bad ,you also loose the good.

I lost so much, maybe not a lot to others, they would say, "your rich what are you upset about?". What makes anyone believe that money stops you from grieving. When my son walked away he wanted to blame someone for his inner struggle. I tried when he was younger to get him to see that he could make his own decisions, his own choices.It took him a long time to see what I was trying to get him to see. Along the way he had made alto of mistakes ,said and done alto of bad things. Draco created his enemies and didn't know how to fix it. He kept compounding the problem.There are times my son will react before he thinks. Then he will hurt someone and expect it to be all better when he apologizes, he does not extend the same courtesy to others. Ironic what he really wanted was to be ,was friends. My son never dealt with rejection. So he didn't handle it well.Someone had to pay for his mistakes. He left, so I guess that someone was me.



I have journals filled with thoughts and insights about what did I did wrong,where I went wrong. I realize I wasn't a perfect parent,but I had never done it before. Everyone has their idea's on how to raise children. That's all well and good ,but they weren't raising my child. I'm sure it would have been lovely to raise Draco like Molly did her children. The problem with that is ,My son wasn't a Weasley. He was a Malfoy. That meant That he was going to have to deal with everything that come with being a Malfoy.How was the world going to treat him. Wizards live for 200 years.You are a child for only 17 years of that 200.

I had to prepare my son for 183 years of being an adult Malfoy. Political intrigue would be his teething ring,I sought to mold him into a person that would grow to shine in the wizarding world. Like his father ,he needed to be brilliant,sound,a thinker,earnest in his convictions.It was an absolute must that he was shrewd in his business dealing.He must always be on the winning side.If he were not he had to make contingency plans.An Aristocrat in the wizarding world had very different issues to deal with. The common wizard would never know. This is what I tried to raised my son to deal with. This is why he left.



Lucius's love for me never wavered during this time, he pushed me to go out and do something.Anything, he never let up. He wouldn't allow me to climb into my self, he would drag me out of my grief kicking and screaming,or make love to me until I couldn't remember why I closed my self off from him.Always the pillar of strength I needed. It was his idea for me to visit the graves,it was his idea for me to build my own life. It was he that made me realize that I didn't have to apologize for who I was. To any one. I know if there was ever one constant in my life. That's Lucius's love for me.

Last night he gave me another gift. Pansy, he could see that I needed her. Not just as a lover, but as a friend as well.He knew I needed someone to care for and nurture. I think he needed that as well. That's why we're keeping her, she has agreed to become our ward.

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Enlightenment

Jun. 14th, 2005 | 08:36 pm

I went Shopping today with Pansy. I had forgotten how much fun it was to shop with another woman. She was a pleasure to be with. I found my self attracted to her,not in just a friendly way. It was a revelation. She made me laugh telling me wild tales of days spent at Hogwarts.Pansy was *very * loyal when it came to my son. I hope he is realizes how rare a friend like her is. She told me about mischief and adventures, all of Draco's shining moments I'd missed. I found myself wishing I had seen some of the temper tantrums my son had thrown over whom she referred to as "The Golden Trio".

I remembered those days well. The Potter boy was wise not to befriend my son back then.My husband is ruthless,Friend or no,Lucius would have used what ever it took to achieve his goal. We had quite a spat over Ginevra. I pointed out to him (as a family)we got off easily. They could have called a Blood Vendetta. Arthur Weasley had 6 sons. Six times in succession the challenge could have been made . Lucius and Draco would have never survived.

I think that taking Pansy as my ward will tilt the scales more favorably in my favor. I need to contact all of the young women she recommended for the ball committee. Though many things have already been taken care of,I think these young ladies will be able to handle the objectives of the Annual Ball.
Pansy is a very smart young woman. She just needs support. Everything that she knew or loved was taken away from her.I never lie to myself. I like her. She actually felt comfortable enough to play with me.Joking around in the shop. I think I saw an eyebrow or two raised.

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